I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
