I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
