we have officially lost it.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
