6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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