If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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