I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize