Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
