I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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