4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
