god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
