If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
