well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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