I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
