Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
