I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
did you just send me my own nude
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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