ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
