Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
