the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize