Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
