alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
