I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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