Don't you send me to vm
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
