I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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