Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
