census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize