So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
