Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
