I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
