dude i'm inner monologue high
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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