I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she pinky promised me she was 18
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
