Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
