OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
