You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.