So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts