he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!