I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We are two peas in an std pod
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.