Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(212): View more from New York

You feel like going out tonight?

(1-212): View more from New York

Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle

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(315): View more from New York

just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.

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(810): View more from Michigan

He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(609): View more from New Jersey

Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"

(575): View more from New Mexico

Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.

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(254): View more from Texas

Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.

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(713): View more from Texas

Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.

(832): View more from Houston, Texas

In which case my work here is done.

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(260): View more from Indiana

They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?

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