The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue