I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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