watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
