do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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