So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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