He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
