i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
