Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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