I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
