hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
