shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
