I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
