So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
