i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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