remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
