I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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