pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
