dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
