if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
