Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
