Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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