I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
