there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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