Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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