and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
