we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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