I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
only if we run a train.
done.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
