When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
