I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
