At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
